the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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