I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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