Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize