Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
