i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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