Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
