Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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