Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
