So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
