why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too high and old for this...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize