Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
