apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
