her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
