Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
