I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
