i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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