why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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