A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize