im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
