Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
