now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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