So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
