I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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