Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
