Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
