His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
