Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
