I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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