You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
