i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
