dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
