I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
