Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there was a trapeze. enough said
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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