would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize