Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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