ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
