I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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