Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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