sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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