it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize