He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
