I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize