and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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