So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
