I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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