Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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