Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
