Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
