Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
