i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize