dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
