bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
