I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
