What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
