the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
