Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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