the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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