my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
