Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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