dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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