And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
