He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
