discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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