i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
