I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
