i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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