Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
