She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
