I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
