remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
