Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
