Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
