I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
